


Lost Without You

by wheelbarrow_i



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:28:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27028831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheelbarrow_i/pseuds/wheelbarrow_i
Summary: Tsukishima leaves Yamaguchi's side,Tadashi's life starts crumbling to pieces until he has an appointment that changes his life for the better.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 16





	Lost Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Tsukkiyama (tsukishima and yamaguchi)  
> Angst?  
> Im sorry for my bad English,it isn't my first language so please help me get better!  
> This isn't grafic so don't worry

"I don't want to see your face."  
Said the blonde with a cold tone  
"Alright then,have a great time"  
I replied heart broken,I was walking out of his house . This all happened because of me,and my stupid argument,I should've known better and shut up. 

I decided I should get a couple more jobs to stay outside . I got a job at a cafe,i was now heading to sakanoshita store .

As I entered I was greeted by my captain and vice-captain in my school volleyball club .   
"Hey yamaguchi! What are you doing here, where's tsukishima?" Suga asked  
"W,well I came here to get a job and tsukki is studying"  
It was the quickest excuse I could think of,and it was realistic .  
"Ah alright,well we'll be off now! Ukai will come back shortly he had a phone call"  
Daichi responded while walking out with suga after buying what they needed,I just nodded with a smile hoping they saw. 

When ukai came back he offered me a job with cleaning. 

Before I realized it was already night and everything was closing up now,I decided that I'd just go get some pastrys from a store that wasn't closed yet. 

When I entered I saw a familiar face at the counter,it was aunty Sasha!  
"Hello sweet,sweet guchi!"  
She hummed while taking out some fresh pastries out the oven.

The pastries looked perfect and ready to be eaten,I heard my stomach rumble .   
"Hey aunt Sasha!"  
I answered while looking around.  
"Anything you'd like dear? ,Also where's that friend of yours?"  
She questioned while looking around confused  
"He can't shrink can he?"  
She joked,I started to giggled . Remembering what happened I looked around for some cake for tsuki too . I found the perfect one it was a strawberry cheesecake with some dinosaur accessories .

I walked out of the store with some pastries for myself,my parents and a piece of the cheesecake for tsuki . 

Going home was definitely one of the worst parts of my day,I loved staying over at tsukis house because that would mean I wouldn't have to deal with all the shouting downstairs.

When I got home it was surprisingly quiet . So I left the pastries on the kitchen table with a note for my parents .

I went upstairs to my room and ate the pastries I bought for myself while finishing the homework I had started at tsuki's house .

When I was about to go to bed it all got to me,all of it. Not being able to hang out with tsuki,having more shifts and being exhausted because of all them and then coming home to a home full of shouting. But working was the only thing productive that I could think of that would get me out of the house.

In the morning I decided to take the bus to school since it was a bit faster. When I got there I put the piece of cake into tsukis locker,I made sure it was still warm.

Everything was different without tsuki by my side,there was people who started picking on me again. 

When I went to the bathroom at the end of school I felt like I couldn't breathe,I felt like someone was grabbing me by the neck and strangling me. I felt like my parents were fighting right in front of me again . Everything suddenly turned darker .

The next thing I remember is being at the nurses office with hinata and suga beside me. I felt like I could breathe a bit better so I started to sit up.  
"Hey,how are you feeling?"  
Suga asked. He looked worried.  
"I'm fine? What happened?"  
I was curious because all I can remember is being in the bathroom .

"Hinata found you in one of the stalls in the bathroom huddled up breathing heavily when he was trying to reach out for you to grab his hand he realized you were crying,he then brought you here and came for me to help"  
Suga explained

"I saw a couple bruises and cuts around your torso so I put bandages on them"  
Hinata said quickly,he had a big smile on his face,I felt like he was trying to cheer me up.

Then I realized the most important thing I may have missed  
"Wait what time is it?!?!?"  
I asked  
"16:50,why?"  
Hinata responded,he seamed rather confused to my hurry.

"DAM IT IM LATE"  
I exclaimed hopping out of the bed and grabbing my shoes,trying to put them on quickly.  
"Late for what?"  
Suga asked  
"Work!"  
I quickly said trying to squeeze on my shoe as fast as I could.

"But you only work at sakanoshita in the evenings tho?"  
Suga asked me confused on my hurry.  
"I have multiple jobs I work at a cafe,reception,the sakanoshita store and I work at a flowershop"  
I said quickly putting my other shoe on.

"If you want I can drive you there"  
Daichi said coming out of nowhere  
"Yes please,thank you so much daichi you're a life saver"  
I replied to the kind offer. Before I realized he was asking me where to drive.

I told him the flowershop's address  
'boss is surely going to kill me for being late'  
I thought

When we arrived I thanked daichi for the ride and walked into the flowershop. After all my shifts were over it was still pretty early so I decided to help out aunty Sasha in the bakery .

When I arrived I noticed a familiar face,it was tsukishima.  
He was buying something with a new friend I think. At least that's what it looked like.

"Ah sweetie why are you here?"  
Aunty Sasha noticed me walking in  
"Well I was done with all my work so I thought I could help out here maybe?"  
I replied.

I felt a cold breeze through the air I felt like something so cold was about to attack me. Next minute tsuki turned around to look at me,I now knew what was so cold,it was his cold eyes staring at me.

Ah that's right.  
He hates me.  
And it's all because of me being me.  
I feel my heart sinking.  
I feel like I can't breathe again.  
What's happening to me?...

"Hey aunty would you mind if I go to the back?"  
I asked,I was trying to get as much air in as I could without anyone noticing  
"Sure,could you clean up there too because I never have time?"  
She asked me,she noticed I was struggling to breathe or at least it felt like that and she knew how much cleaning could calm me down just like connecting my freckles.

"Of course!"  
I started heading to the back and with a slight smile on my face when I passed by her.  
"Come out here when you're done cleaning I need help at the register!"  
She called out from behind the cashier  
"Alright!"  
I was trying to find the light switch

CRASH

"DANMIT"  
I didn't realize I shouted it out loud  
"Oh my god are you okay there guchi??"  
Auntie ran to the back  
"In fine I just tripped over a broom I think,I cant find the light switch where is it???"  
I asked her trying to get up but then ending up falling again.

"I have it here,sorry for not helping earlier"  
She turned on the lights which made it a lot easier to see.  
I started cleaning everything up. When everything seemed to be in order I came out into the main area just to find tsukishima still waiting for something but his friend was gone.

"I'm so sorry it's taking so long I didn't realize I got the wrong cream the first time!"  
Auntie said looking into the oven  
"Auntie sash are you feeling okay? You never get anything wrong in your pastries"  
I asked her quite concerned  
"Oh no I have the cheesecake ready I just forgot to add the correct cream to the little dinosaur accessories"  
She replied to me smiling

I turned to look at tsuki  
"You can sit down by the window if you'd like,it may be a bit of a wait"  
I said smiling  
'I don't care if he hates me he's just a customer right now,plus he's blocking the queue'  
I thought to myself  
"Sure."  
He replied in a cold tone .

I watched him go over and sit down by the window. I served a bit more customers untill my phone rang  
"hello?"  
I was confused who would ring me since noone really texted me or called me often.  
All I could hear was some background screaming  
'ah it's mom and dad'  
I thought to myself

"Hey auntie I'll be right back mom and dad are calling me"  
I told her while stepping outside  
"Alright then come back and tell me what happened!"  
She said smiling  
"Alright!"  
I smiled back

"WHERE ARE YOU?"  
It was dad's voice... He seamed..angry?  
"What do you mean I'm at work?"  
I answered I was a bit confused since I don't think it was that late

"ITS PAST MIDNIGHT"  
He shouted  
"Oh right...sorry I lost track of time I'll pack up,do you want me to grab some pastries for you and mom?"  
I asked because I felt like they needed some  
"Yes honey please do thank you!"  
Mom's voice was rather more calm.  
They hung up

"Hey auntie I got to go home would you mind if I take some pastries for mom and dad?I'll leave the money on the counter"  
I asked as I took off my apron and went to take my schoolbag  
"Yeah sure,also you don't have to pay dear! Could you hand this to your friend when you're walking out,the one at the table?"  
She asked me   
" 'course lemme just grab some things"  
I said happily. I grabbed some pastries and a muffin on the go with some frogs on it for me,I also grabbed tsukis cheesecake and handed it to him. It was strawberry cheesecake with dinosaurs,of course it made him happy it's his two most favourite things on the planet.

When I arrived home I noticed some leftover food,probably from mom and dad's dinner.  
"pastries are on the table!"  
I called out as I cleaned up the kitchen

Now morning,just another morning away from my mistake,another morning to a terrible day.  
Just another boring morning.

Today seemed different?  
I wasnt feeling like me today  
I felt angry? Because of what,what's happening to my mind? Why am I an emotional wreck.I went straight to bed when I got home,I didn't really care if I missed work at this point.

I kept on running into tsuki and he was getting colder and colder everytime we spoke. What was happening??? I didn't understand my feelings anymore.

I decided to take a walk in the park to have some peace and quiet since all I could hear was shouting from downstairs.

When I reached the last step and started putting on my shoes. I realized mom was crying? This was new,she never really showed much emotion towards anyone. The last time I saw emotion in her eyes was in kindergarten,before all the fights began.

"I'm leaving"  
Dad said suddenly and walked out, started the car.I felt bad for my mom.  
"H,hey sweeti,e"  
Mom started turning to me. You could hear the hic's in her voice.  
"It,t turn,ns ou,t"  
She started but couldn't finish because she started crying more.

"Hey mom look wherever it is well get through it,if you need me to buy you anything or walk with you anywhere I'd be glad to,I was heading out for a walk anyway"  
I told my mom trying to calm her down.  
"B,baby,I l,love you s,so muc,h"  
She started calming down,and so it was easier to understand her.  
"Baby it turns out I have a disease....I don't know the name of it yet but all I know is that I cough up blood and flowers..."  
She told me.

I went in to hug her,she was a bit shorter than me so it was easier to pull her into my chest.I could hear her sobs getting louder and louder,I was starting to sob too since I knew what this disease was.  
'Hanahaki Disease'

I walked with her to the hospital and made sure she was safe.The doctor gave her an option either die and still remember the person she loves or live but forget about the person.  
"I'm sorry tadashi"  
I heard her say before she continued with the decision  
"I'd rather die than forget the person I love,thank you for being so kind to let us in even if we wasted your time"  
I was shocked,I didn't want to loose her,I didn't want to be alone.Not again.

I couldn't remember anything else they were talking about,I just remember me sitting there head down deep in thought. The next thing I knew was me hearing my mom say  
"Alright well thank you doctor we will be heading off now,thank you for your advice."

On the way home is was silent between us. When we arrived home I told my mom that I was just going to go and take a walk in the park and that I'll be back home before 11.

I couldn't belive what I just heard. My mom was going to ,, die? Why?  
Who does she love so much to let go? These thoughts were circling around my brain,untill I walked into someone.  
"Sorry,I was too into my thoughts I'll watch out next time"  
I said untill I looked up,it was tsukki he was looking down at me.  
"Good don't be that big of a clutz"  
He replied warmer than before,why this sudden change? I just smiled at him and started walking again getting back into my thoughts.

The next day was rough,it was hard paying attention in class and the kids just picked on me more. I didn't go to practice because I felt like I was running against time and that I wouldnt make it to work for my meeting with my boss in time. I ran as fast as I could. I came in and asked for a holiday on most of my jobs except two : the café and the sakanoshita store. Those two were both in the evening and so I had plenty of time to look after my mom.

-|Timeskip|about a month later|-

I was in class when I heard the megaphone say  
"Tadashi Yamaguchi please come to the principals office"  
I asked myself why they need me now since it's about to be lunch anyway. But I still went,when I arrived the principal told me to sit.  
"Im sorry for your loss."  
He looked quite worried  
"My father,right?"  
"No,I'm sorry but your mother"  
Shock that's all I felt. Before he could continue and tell me more I ran out crying,nearly every student on that halway heard me.

I couldn't,no I wouldn't take in the fact that she passed away. This had to be a mistake,she seamed just fine yesterday. She couldn't die yet she is so young. Before I realized I bumped into someone and fell to the ground.  
"I'm so sorry,I'll get going now"  
I was kicked back down  
"Isn't this Yamaguchi Tadashi? The crybaby? The problem maker? The worthless freckled freak?"  
One kid said,another answered  
"It sure is."  
They looked like third years.

Before I realized,I was knocked out. I woke up around the next periods end. I was in not the nurses office but a clinic.  
'Why am I here?'  
I asked myself  
"Ah I see you're awake Mr Yamaguchi"  
A nurse came out of nowhere  
"You're just getting a check up,so no need to worry"  
'oh no...'  
I thought

These check-ups always ended up with me being given more meds,I didn't like it. In fact I hated it. The look of the clinic should be memorized by now. But why did it seem so......different? At this point he didn't care about the looks of the room anymore. All he cared about was finishing school,going to practice,going to my jobs and then if needed picking up some medications. The only thought of the situation right now in my head was  
'I hope it's not strong or has strong effects like last time,my body couldn't handle it.'

"Mr.Yamaguchi"  
She started,she didn't continue until she could tell my attention was all on her.  
"How many hours of sleep have you been getting?"  
This was not what he expected. He thought it would be health not that kind of health,he started to panic. But he soon realized that he had no choice but answer because they would keep him there if he wouldn't.  
"About 4 everyday."  
I replied. I was fully nervous now.  
'is there going to be more questions like this?'

There sure was. The questions had a gap in between them for the nurse to write something down on her clipboard.  
"Have you eaten anything today?"  
"No."  
"Have you hung out with some friends lately?"  
"No."  
"Have you had time for yourself?"  
"No."  
"Do you work over 3 jobs?"  
"Yes."  
"Do you have anyone to talk to?"  
"No."  
But the next question surprised him quite a bit.

"What does it feel like to be happy?"  
She asked. She was looking at me,studying my expressions and how long it took me to answer. It's took me quite a while because the last time I remember being happy was with the blonde.... But he didn't remember that feeling anymore.  
"I...I don't know how to answer that one."  
That's all I said. and it was enough.

He then heard the woman say  
"You can let him in just make sure it's the right one."  
She said to the person at the other side of the door.

Soon enough Tsukishima was walking in. He looked confused.   
'oh if he knew what trouble he got himself into'  
I thought to myself while trying to see what the nurse was writing down.  
"Are you two friends?"  
"Ye-"  
Tsukishima started but I cut him off making him remember the last time we spent time together  
"no."

"Alright then"  
She scoffed,she seamed quite irritated that I cut the blonde off  
"Mr.Yamaguchi could I see your stomach?"  
She had the look in her eye like she knew what she was going to find  
"no."  
"It's for medical purposes I have to check your heart beat after all."  
I thought about it for a while,I didn't want to show her it but it was too bad because they would call dad if I didn't.

"Fin,e"  
I answered my voice was getting a bit shaky. The blonde looked rather surprised why the nurse asked. When I took my shirt off the nurse looked at my chest and started pressing some parts of it. I kept on flinching and everytime I did she looked up with a `stop being such a baby we done this before.`

She looked quite disappointed in me and then she spoke after writing something down again  
"You know you're just going to loose more energy and it's going to hurt more Tadashi. You won't be able to play volleyball or work at this rate"  
I looked down in response. But I still let her change my bandages.

_____________________________  
Tsukishimas p.o.v  
_____________________________

Yamaguchi was supposed to take off his shirt. I didnt understand why,'his chest was clearly okay when he played volleyball,so what was so important?' Yamaguchi looked at him and then at the nurse,he signed and started to tremble a bit.  
"Fin,e"  
Was all I could hear from the freckled boy. When he took his shirt off it was covered in bandages. He looked ashamed.

'I cant believe I was so blind to not sense anything wrong,all those sleep overs when he said he needed a long shirt was for this,all the times after practice he said he felt like he was dying was because of this,I'm so blind for not realizing'  
The woman started to change his bandages and all you could see was scars old and new,burns and bruises. Bruises and scars were all over his arms too. I looked at him in disbelief,but he wouldn't face me.

He seamed to remember something because he look shocked.  
"How long is this going to take?"  
He asked  
"We are just about done so around 5 or so minutes"  
She replied

She was just about to be done the check-up when she look over at me and said  
"I want you to stick around yamaguchi even when he's going home either go there or invite him to your house,I want you to be like his guardian angle just like you were before"  
Those words could mean something else to someone different but I could tell she was telling me to protect him because without me his life is crumbling . I just nodded hoping I could speak to him after she was done.

_____________________________  
Back to yam's p.o.v  
_____________________________

"I want you to stick around yamaguchi even when he's going home either go there or invite him to your house,I want you to be like his guardian angle just like you were before"  
'This is some kind of bullshit,I don't need him,I don't care about it' I thought. But I had bigger things on my mind like mom.

When the appointment was finally over I got prescripted more meds and a new brand of bandages . I had to go with Mr.I don't want to see your face because the nurse told me so .

"Hey,sorry I shouted at you that night and I'm sorry I mistreated you and forgot what you meant to me,also thank you for that cheesecake I enjoyed it"  
There was a moment of silence and then he continued  
"It's okay if you don't want to talk I can understand why just know that I was stupid and I didn't appreciate you as much as you need to be,man I cant even appreciate you enough that you came and brightened up my world,before I knew it you were my world. I'm sorry I messed it up"

His apolagy was sencere but he wasn't only apolagizing he was also.........confessing? Suddenly all the bad thought about my mom and my life flew away as I turned bright red .

I started giggling,tsuki look at me surprised  
"Did I say stutter,oh god all night the nights planning and I probably stuttered how lame of me"  
I look up at him and look him in the eyes then said  
"No tsukki you didn't stutter with was as clear as a crystal. You make my bad thoughts go away and you are like my other half,I know what you're trying to say tsukki and it's cute on how you overthought that small confession over so many nights,I was the one that messed up that night in sorry"

I suddenly realized something and walked back to the nurses room. When I opened the door the nurse was sitting and waiting for me.  
"I think you have an answer to my question don't you?"  
I smiled and sat down in front of her

"Happiness is like this little island that at times can be covered by the sea but you let someone on it and they build it up until the water can't cover it anymore,it's a warm feeling that can take part in love and it makes you feel giggilish without a reason. Is an emotion everyone needs and it plays an important part in out lives. Happiness completes a human just like another human can complete another".

It was all she needed to hear she smiled and pointed to the door which tsuki was now standing in. The next minute my phone rang,I answered and it was the hospital.  
"Hello?"  
"Is this Yamaguchi Tadashi?"  
"Yes it is why?"  
"This is about your mother,a miracle happened,she's awake!"  
"I'm heading over right now thank you so much for this news!"  
I hung up.

I stopped walking and looked at tsuki.  
'He really does bring miracles'  
I jumped up on him and hugged him while half in tears from joy.

_____________________________  
The end ( ꈍᴗꈍ)  
_____________________________


End file.
